


All I Ask

by estriel



Series: August Break 2019 [14]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: This should be it, a moment to enjoy, because now Javi finally has Yuzu like this – naked, breathing heavily, slender fingers tangled in his hair. Isn’t this what he has been fantasizing of for years?It is, but it also isn’t.





	All I Ask

**Author's Note:**

> Today's prompt is _intentions_

_Look, don't get me wrong_

_I know there is no tomorrow_

_All I ask is_

_If this is my last night with you_

_Hold me like I'm more than just a friend_

_Give me a memory I can use_

_Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do_

_It matters how this ends_

_'Cause what if I never love again?_

\- “All I Ask” - Adele

  


Javi is on his knees, his hands splayed on Yuzu’s hips, holding him steady.

This should be it, a moment to enjoy, because he finally has Yuzu like this – naked, breathing heavily, slender fingers tangled in Javi’s hair. Isn’t this what he has been fantasizing of for years?

It is, but it also isn’t.

Javi has beein _loving_ Yuzu for years. It’s unlike anything he has ever felt before. It’s not the casual way he had been in love with Cortney. Not the tame, quiet way of feeling deep affection for Miki, nor the superficial way he has been trying to make things work with Marina.

No.

With Yuzu, it is the real-deal, all-in kind of love that people buy engagement rings for.

Unfortunately, Javi has never quite figured out how Yuzu sees things, enigma that he is, nor has he ever dared ask for fear of losing Yuzu’s friendship. He still doesn’t know what Yuzu’s intentions are.

For all he knows, this might be just a celebratory fling for Yuzu, the we-both-won-medals-let’s-fuck kind of thing that Javi knows is happening all over the Olympic village on a nightly basis. An easy way to blow off steam after the immense pressure of the Olympics, because Yuzu can’t exactly go out and get wasted the way many others do – it being him, he’d end up all over the tabloids the following morning. Or it might be even simpler – just a way to finally slice through the tension that has been building between them for years, a punctuation mark before they go their separate ways. Closure.

Maybe he shouldn’t be here. Maybe instead of falling into Yuzu, he should have stepped away when Yuzu stepped forward to pull him into a kiss. Maybe that would have been the smarter choice.

But _smart_ was the last thing on Javi’s mind when Yuzu’s lips were finally, _finally_ on his. Instead, his heart had leaped in wild hope, and he had felt drawn as if by an invisible string, for a thousandth time, to the bright star that is Yuzu. So what if it was only for one night. It was better than nothing. He would take whatever Yuzu offered, and cherish it, because it might well be the last time he gets to hold a person he truly loves like this, like a lover. Javi is not sure if he will ever love anyone else, after Yuzu, so he figured it was a good trade-off.

It is a good trade-off, but now, kneeling between Yuzu’s spread thighs and looking up at him, it just fucking _hurts_. And so instead of proceeding immediately with the blowjob, Javi closes his eyes for a second and leans his head against Yuzu’s inner thigh, pressing a soft kiss there, feeling the twitch that runs through the muscle in response.

Just a second, he thinks, his chest heavy and full of sudden sadness. He blinks several times to chase away the tears that come quite unbidden, straightening up to wipe at them before –

“Javi?” Yuzu’s voice catches him before he’s calmed down, and he ducks his head quickly, out of sight, hand coming up to erase the telltale wet trails on his cheeks. Then he moves to take Yuzu into his mouth, to distract him, to do what he has come here to do.

Yuzu grabs his chin and pulls his face away, and up, until Javi doesn’t have anywhere to hide.

“Javi, what’s wrong?” Yuzu asks, clearly alarmed, his free hand moving to grip Javi’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, did I do something –“

“No, no, you didn’t do anything, it’s fine, it’s just me, I’m just –“ Javi knows he is babbling, but it’s better than the alternative, which is falling apart and telling Yuzu everything, which would be the end of things.

“Come here,” Yuzu tugs at him until he stands up, then sits beside him on the edge of the bed. Javi stares at the floor, cursing himself for letting his emotions get out of control, for fucking up the only chance he’ll ever have at _having_ Yuzu, at least in part.

“Look at me,” Yuzu says, hands cupping Javi’s face, and Javi does, because he can never say no to Yuzu. “Javi, I – Are you uncomfortable? I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. We don’t have to do this.”

“I _want _to do this,” Javi interferes, because he does, oh god, _of course _he does. Yuzu looks like a dream, all perfect skin, his lips lusciously pink and kissed a little raw, his eyes lust-blown. Of course he wants to do this.

Yuzu shakes his head, discombobulated. He runs his palms down Javi’s arms, slipping his hands into Javi’s. “Why are you sad?” he asks. “I know we are bad at talking. But talk to me, Javi, please.” His voice trembles, as do his hands, and Javi looks up in surprise. Yuzu, who is usually so calm, is anything but right now. His eyes are wide and worried, his lip quivers. Suddenly, Javi realizes how this must look. Yuzu probably now thinks he has pushed Javi into something he doesn’t want, and is already blaming himself for it.

Javi shakes his head. “It’s okay, Yuzu. I just – I just got emotional,” he says and hopes it will be enough. “We Spanish do that,” he adds, attempting and failing to lighten the mood.

“Why?” Yuzu asks. Sometimes Javi wishes he was not so persistent, but he is like a dog on a trail – when Yuzu sets out, he never stops until he arrives to his destination.

Javi sighs. He opens his mouth to say something, anything... But Yuzu’s hands are soft in his, moving to twine their fingers togeter. They fit like they were meant to be there, the same way Yuzu’s lips fit against his like a missing puzzle piece, the way Javi is sure their whole bodies will slot against one another perfectly… And Javi can’t, he just can’t do this anymore.

“I want you so bad, Yuzu,” he admits, and brings one of Yuzu’s hands up to kiss the back of it, looking down instead of at Yuzu. “But I’m sad because – well, because I know this is probably the only time, and I wish – “ he has to take a deep breath before he can meet Yuzu’s eyes, “I wish this could be more, you and I, that we could be together. For real,” he chokes out. “I know it’s silly,” he adds quickly.

Yuzu just stares at him, speechless, and Javi knows he has fucked up.

“I’ll just go, maybe?” he offers and moves to stand up.

“No!” Yuzu says, and it is a little stunned, a gasp more than a word, but his grip tightens and he pulls Javi back down. “Javi. Don’t go.”

“No?” Javi asks.

“No. Don’t go now, don’t go _ever_,” Yuzu says and it is Javi’s turn to stare stupidly. “I – “ Yuzu stops there, and one of his hands flies up to his chest in a gesture Javi knows he uses to steady himself, _heart instead of head_, to be brave before a program. “I love you, Javi,” he says then. “I thought you knew,” he adds bashfully. “I thought we both knew.”

Javi doesn’t know what is happening. His brain has not quite caught up. But luckily, Brian had never succeeded at making Javi use his head a bit more instead of his heart – the complete opposite of what he has been teaching Yuzu. Luckily, Javi’s heart gets it before his head.

“You – you love me?”

“Yes,” Yuzu nods and the blush that spills over his cheeks is the most beautiful thing Javi has ever seen. “I do. I’m sorry, I should have been clearer, I should have said –“

“_I _should have said something, too,” Javi blurts, realizing that he has been an idiot, holding himself back for years, always worrying about ruining things instead of following his heart. Maybe Brian has succeeded in teaching him something, after all – and while for skating it might have been useful to sometimes use cool judgment instead of his hot heart, well, for this, it certainly doesn’t seem to be the case. “Yuzu. I thought,” he shakes his head. “I thought you just wanted sex. I thought you didn’t really want me.”

“I do,” Yuzu says, perplexed, as if he couldn’t quite believe this, the way Javi can’t quite believe this, either. “All ways. Always. I do.”

“Then you have me. You’ve had me for years. I love you, too, you know.”

  
With that, Javi leans in to lay claim to Yuzu’s mouth once again, and all of him, too, like he’s always wanted to. This time, it’s everything Javi has been fantasizing of for years. Because this time, Javi knows it is for good.


End file.
